What Should Wedding Planning Look Like?

     I've been to a lot of weddings in my life for lots of family and friends. I've been able to participate in the celebration and help out with the execution of the wedding. Its always been interesting for me to see the differences between each wedding. Over the years, I've learned just how much time, money, and effort can go into a wedding. It's such a happy and exciting time of life where everyone comes to celebrate two people they care about. It's gotten me thinking about what I'd like to do for my wedding. I've also been thinking about how these beginning parts of a relationship affect the relationship for the rest of a couples' lives. I want to start a relationship off strong, and I've discovered some good tips for how to do so.

    Let's start off with the engagement. Often, online and in the movies we see people putting on a huge display for their engagements. Sometimes they invite others to come watch and take pictures of this special moment. This can bring an image and expectation into our minds for engagements that might not be so ideal. Engagements matter. They are most special when it is a moment of a man expressing an honest, genuine desire for marriage to a woman. It is best when it is an official proposal for a future together, discussed privately. It may not be so ideal to have a crowd watching and cheering you on. In that situation, it becomes an outward performance, rather than a tender private moment between the two. The man is asking the woman to marry him, and when a show is put on, it is as if he is showing off the fact that he got the girl. If you think about it, it starts to make more sense that proposals should be a private moment where the couple is able to focus on just each other. They can better show the other that they genuinely want to be together forever. I can't imagine being proposed to in public and feeling pressured to say yes to avoid embarrassment. It would make a special moment become awkward. Another reason a proposal should be more genuine is because that could possibly be a moment that the woman looks back on when she is reflecting on how their marriage began. This could be a moment where the couple is going through a difficult trial. When reflecting on a meaningful, heartfelt proposal, the woman can be reminded and assured that the man cares for and loves her. However, if she reflects back and sees a show where they were put on display, it would be a less meaningful moment. It might be difficult for her to see how much the man cared for her specifically in that moment. Therefore, I feel it might be a better start to a forever relationship when it is a moment of official decision of commitment to the other expressed in a loving, personal way.

    After the engagement comes the wedding planning. I've heard of a lot of weddings coming to an end total between $10K-20K. In my close relationships, I've seen people pull off absolutely beautiful weddings that are hardly $1K. It's all about priority. A large wedding may seem appealing at first, but with it can come stress from money, disagreement, and even contention between the couple if they can't negotiate with each other. It is important to set boundaries and communicate with each other about how much will be spent on the wedding. I'd hate to start my marriage off in debt from a loan, and I can't imagine asking my parents to spend so much money without feeling like I owe them something. That something could even be my loyalty and that holds possibility (even if slight) to drive a wedge between my husband and me if they ever got into a disagreement with each other. Plus, the money could be put into investment for your futures, whether that be a house, car or education, because let's face it: young people aren't made of money. It simply doesn't seem smart to start of a marriage with such a huge, stressful even. I plan to keep it simple and focus on the marriage itself and celebrating with those I love.

    Overall, a lesson I've come to learn is that it's best to focus on your significant other throughout the engagement and wedding planning process. It's a tender, growing time for the relationship. We're just starting off, and I think that keeping things simple and focusing on us is the best way to start off on the right foot!

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