It’s All about Perspective

     I look at the world today and I see so many stereotypes that we put on others. I also see stereotypes that others put on me. I’ve always tried to avoid these stereotypes and go against what is expected of me. I chose a major that not a lot of women are found in. I love hanging out with guys as much as I can and always try to be “one of the boys”, doing activities they like to do. A term that may be used for this is ‘tomboy’. It’s pretty common among girls and is a socially acceptable, and even encouraged, behavior. Now, I’d like to turn the perspective a little bit. What if there was a boy that wanted to hang out with girls, paint nails, and play with dolls? How did your perception change? What was your initial thought of this boy? There is also a term commonly used for this: ‘sissy’. This brings to attention the fact that our perceptions of men and women are different.

    When I think about it, I can think of quite a few things that are socially unacceptable for men. At the beginning of their lives, when they are young and impressionable, they are discouraged from playing with girls’ toys. When they are around their peers, both male and female, they all hold each other to this stereotype. They make fun of each other when one shows any sign of emotion or femininity. They quickly learn what will make them an outcast. They wouldn’t be caught dead with a doll. 

    We live in a world where there are multiple ways to categorize gender. From the perspective of a male that has been told his whole life that he can’t enjoy more feminine things, or that he’s the only one that feels emotion, it would be easy to build a new gender category as a way for them to express themselves in a way they weren’t able to under the category of ‘man’. Since the world is becoming more accepting of these categories, doesn’t it seem like the more appealing option? Within these categories, both men and women wouldn’t have to hide the things they enjoy, or the fact that they simply don’t feel the same as the majority of their gender. However, we have to realize that a different category pushes them to go against their divine identity of either male or female that God gave them. Not being able to express oneself freely is an oppressive thing to anyone. Just because a man likes more feminine things, and is more sensitive, that does not mean that he is gay. He may feel a certain pressure to categorize himself as such because other men have been raised to treat him like he doesn’t belong. We need to normalize the fact that people don’t all fit into the same stereotypes as their gender does.

    There’s a lot of social pressure put on boys as they are growing up. They are often told to tough it out and stop crying. They aren’t given the opportunity to talk about how they feel with others. It is generally seen as weak or strange for men to feel and express emotions like fear, sadness, anxiety, depression, and inadequacy. The stigma is debilitating to men who are sensitive and they are taught to hide that part of themselves. When women are asked about what kind of man they’d like to be with, the majority usually want a guy who’s sensitive and willing to talk about how he feels. It is difficult to build an open relationship with a man because he may need to feel like he can trust someone entirely before he will talk freely. If they get to that point of safety, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to learn to actually communicate what needs to be said. We place unnecessary, and overbearing expectations on men. Based on my observations, the world is so focused on feminism, that the men have been neglected. Think about life from their perspective. Whose telling them that they can do hard things, and overcome fear? They often get left behind and are oppressively pressured to hide their emotions. I strongly believe that we need to normalize sensitivity and emotional expression for men.

    This makes me think about things from a spiritual perspective. The devil does not want us to be happy in this life. It makes sense that he would attack men in this manner. If women want a man that is sensitive and open, why wouldn’t the devil target that side of men?