Let’s Talk About Relationships

     When was the last time you planned, prepared for, and went on a date? Dating is something that is becoming more and more scarce in the world. I’ve noticed that it has been replaced with casual hanging out. Based on my observations and experience this past year, I believe a “date” is seen as a stronger commitment than hanging out. Hanging out is more comfortable and there’s almost no decision making happening in it. No one has to decide if they like the other person enough to become more serious with them. It’s often around other people rather than one on one, so there’s others to interact with. Also, you don’t have to commit to hanging out with someone, and it’s easier to cancel as well as reschedule. However, I think dating has become seen as a greater commitment than it actually is.

    When someone goes on a date, they are wanting to get to know the other person better. Questions are asked about one another, and there’s a lot of listening and learning involved. One thing that’s important to note is that both are free to go on dates with other people as well. Because they go on a date with one person, does not mean they can’t see other people. It’s actually a very low commitment encounter. Any unwanted pressures by either side to push for something more serious can be extinguished through communication or setting boundaries. It can simply be seen as getting to know another person to learn about yourself and others. That way, you can better know what you look for in a spouse.

    After dating for awhile, it is common to see couples starting to move in together. This is often seen as the next thing to do when building a relationship: see what it’s like to live with the other person. But, think about what it’s actually like to cohabitate. There is no foundation on which to build a stable, lasting relationship. Wouldn’t that make it hard to trust each other? You’re constantly watching and observing each other, looking for things you don’t like. It would feel like being on an examination table where someone’s waiting for you to mess up so they can make the decision if they’ll leave you. There’s no telling how long a relationship will last because there’s no official commitment. It also seems like both people in this type of relationship don’t ever rely on one another. They don’t share money and are living independent of each other while with each other. This would be a difficult strain on a relationship, and seems to counteract the idea of unity that should be present in a relationship.

    In contrast, having marriage be the end point for dating seems to be the best option. It is a commitment that is made through intentional decisions. The couple generally shares everything money wise and tries to budget together. They are building a stable relationship because they have a foundation of marriage that tells them that the other person is in it for the long haul with them. They’ll be by their side through thick and thin. Trust and unity are being built because it isn’t an examination table, but rather safe space to learn from one another and grow closer together through the trials and weaknesses. They choose to love each other despite mistakes and imperfections. But how do we get to the point where we feel like we can actually marry someone?

    This brings us back to dating. By dating many different people, you can get to know yourself better and what morals and values are important to you in a relationship. After awhile, you can get a better sense of what you’re looking for. When you find a potential someone whom you’d like to get to know on a further level, you can start dating them more seriously and exclusively. It would be best to refrain from living with them. There are plenty of other ways to get to know how someone ticks on a day to day basis. Interacting with them in different situations by going on a variety of dates can clue you in to how they react to certain things. Learning more about how they treat their family and friends can be a great indicator for how they’ll be with you.

    I believe when we shift our mindsets to dating with the intent to eventually get married, we can overcome cultural norms that can be harmful to healthy relationships.